What is too much screen time?
Too much Screen time can have a detrimental impact upon the mental health of our children, but how much is too much? There is no definitive answer to this question but it usually starts with some recognition that time spent on screens, devises, phones ect is having a negative impact upon the emotional or mental wellbeing of the user (i.e our children).
Parents are becoming increasingly worried about the addictive nature of devises and how these devises and apps are created to keeps us hooked, and as a result there are various community movements online such as “smartphone free childhood” that have local support groups which aim to support and provide advice for parents who are aiming to limit or avoid the use of smartphones for children and encourage a return to a childhood free of such devises.
My approach within my practice when I’m talking to parents about their worries is to use their instincts and try to gain some balance. Balance means ensuring that you are having screen free time to have face to face time. Having a conversation at the dinner table and making a rule that no phones at dinner time is a non negotiable. Having time outside and going for a walk or other exercise without a phone.
I will always encourage my clients to make the conversation around screens inclusive if they have pre teens or teens and this way it allows everyone to have a voice and some input into what screen time boundaries will look like. This gives everyone an opportunity to have their voice heard and concerns raised, before a conversation around how the boundaries will be implemented can happen. Its important to keep the aim of the conversation and goal in mind and to be clear about what this is with your child so that they understand they are not being punished. The clear goal in this situation is to promote emotional wellbeing and reduce anxiety, whilst at the same time improving “real” relationships and your child’s ability make human face to face connections, away from the curated world of social media.
How can parents evaluate their kids screen time?
A way to evaluate kids screen time is to firstly look at what they are consuming or viewing as not all apps are the same, and monitoring what they watch or how they are engaging with their screen will be the first thing that should happen. Content is just as (if not more) important when evaluating screen time as the time spent on the device. This is where the conversations around concerns and links to emotional wellbeing need to happen between parent and child in a relaxed and non judgmental way. If approached with compassion and enquiry your pre teen or teen will be more likely to open up about their own concerns about their screen time usage and feelings around this. Questions to consider when addressing issues around screens:
How do your children act when the screen is turned off?
How does watching/using the screen make them feel?
What is the general climate like around screen us in your home?
Are screens causing problems or issues in areas of your child’s life or daily routines.
Have screens become all consuming?
We as parents also need to be honest with ourselves about our own screen time habits and then ask yourself how much your screen time is impacting family time and dominating your own leisure time. Children will often tell me that they want to talk to their parents more or do more family activities but its not just their own screen time that is preventing this, its also that of their parents’ screen time that is causing barriers to communication.
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Difference between intentional and unintentional screen time
The concept of “screen time” is difficult to quantify that’s because of our increasingly widespread and increasing reliance on screens across every area of our lives. However there is a huge difference between intentional screen time and unintentional screen time. The biggest difference is that the experience of intentional screen time can be shared and is an “Active” engagement . By “Active” in this context we refer to anything that prompts us to think, respond or do. After engaging in intentional screen time we feel re charged and it can foster connection, is very different from the feeling we get after unintentional screen time.
With unintentional screen time we are passive and there is limited if any invitation to engage, to think, or to do. It is an isolated activity and can leave us feeling drained and disconnected.
5 ways to work with kids to reduce screen time
- Make your child part of the conversation
Being able to have these open and inclusive conversations with our children around the different between these types of screen activities will in itself enable our children to feel like they have agency and control to choose how they engage with screens and what they are consuming with a link to how it is making them feel. Informed choice and open discussion will also help to strengthen the relationship we as parents with our children.
If we can also be open and honest about our own screen time and then be the change we want to see it will only strengthen our relationship with our children. Aim to explore your child’s thoughts and feelings around their screen usage.
- Implement boundaries and ground rules together
Your child will feel more secure and safe with clear rules and boundaries around devises. Boundaries harness feelings of security and as much there may be initial protests, being able to place rules and stick to them will relieve feelings of anxiety and force your child to find other ways to entertain themselves
Put rules in place earlier to save pain in the long term. If they are older and you are worried about their screen time then there are a few tips that you could suggest and discuss with them to reduce the time on screens. A good start to setting some ground rules for everyone in the family might be:
No screens at meal times
No screens before bed time
No screens in the bedroom
Delay touching screens as soon as you wake up and take 10 minutes to consider the day ahead and set an intention for the day
- Encourage and plan family time
This could be all going for a walk or some Family time watching a film or show together that you can all engage in and contribute to. Encourage your child to help out with preparing a family meal or for them to prepare and shop for a meal of their choice.
- Time outside
Encourage other hobbies not related to screens, ideally ones that will take your child outside of the house.
- Encourage Active engagement
Encourage them to engage with social media in terms of people or issues that align with their values . This will enable them to be more of an active participant therefore fostering a feeling of agency and control over their usage and not get too sucked into the passive endless scrolling .